The Tides of Change

To: God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit...

When I look around and see all the people in my life
I see change and progression, care and no depression
I cant seem to see change in my own life as I can in others
maybe its because I care more for others than myself but it still hurts.

The tides of change to me have not yet risen.
I can see its my brothers birthday, 22 is getting up there and my 21st to come
Graduation for all the high school students, and my college graduation pending. I'm engaged and getting married, Nothing never seemed so far away.

I find I'm getting comfortable in the Lord and with my spirituality
So its time for the tides of change to wash away the writing in the sand
The writing of all the contentedness, pain, nervousness, resentment, and complacency. Its time to be washed anew in the tides of change.

I find it funny that this; the writing, would be my source of emotional expression. I cant seem to hold back tears when I think of everything I could have done better. Not letting people down, causing hurt and pain. Sometimes I find reasons why its my fault, and I cant seem to lift the weights after I pile them all on. My shoulders aren't strong enough to carry the weight of the world.

That's why its time for the tides of change to wipe clean the writing in the sand, and for me to step out of what I know and move forward without looking back. I need to. I have to. My future, and well being depend upon it. And If I don't change my complacency, I already know the outcome:

Revelations 3:15-16
“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"

Now its time for u to do your part. I already know I cant do this on my own, because Ive tried. Ive tried for the past few years. I need to be accountable for my actions; yes even my non-actions. If I stumble help me back up, if I'm drowning resuscitate me with the holy spirit. I need to be pushed into the fire to be refined and molded.

Its hard to ask for help, especially since I brought all this upon myself but when I was reading my bible today I came across:

Ezekiel 18:30-31
" Therefore, O house of Israel, I will judge you, each one according to his ways, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourself of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit.

Amen...